Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
