Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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