She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
