oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
