can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
