My sheets look like a crime scene.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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