If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
