I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
