i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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