you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
