we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
