the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The air was thick with penises
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
