I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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