can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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