He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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