Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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