I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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