There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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