new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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