Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
