So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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