Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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