im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
