a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
