dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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