Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
