okay pat passed out under dana's car
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
