So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
