why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
