What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
