WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
