I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
