In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
