Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
