Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
