Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
