Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
