i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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