She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
