so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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