nut hugger
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
