He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
