Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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