I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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