Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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