So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
