dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
