I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
