I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
