im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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