i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
