Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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