I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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