My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Randomize
