PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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